Poems

I truly believe God sends people into your life to walk with you through trials and seasons and though seasons may come and go when they may be out of your life, He always brings them back at exactly the right time. Brittany has been this person in my life several times. I like to think I've done the same for her at some point or another as well. Tonight she came through again, just when I needed it. She sent me 2 poems on Facebook that really put into words what I can't. It's so easy to feel so alone when going through infertility or when you are TTC, but really you aren't. You are so far from it. You are part of a group of women who are stronger than they should have to be, but they fight the same fight for the same goal as you are. Although I wouldn't wish it on anyone, it feels good to know those others out there can understand and say just what you need to hear when you need it most.

The Great Pretender

Shopping around and having fun,
Little shoes and hats for the sun...
Wrapped in pink or baby blue,
But none for me... All for you.

Tiny shoes, she'll be in style,
When I see them I give you a smile.
But it tears my heart in two...
Still none for me... all for you.

I rub your bellies when you come around,
Pretending all day that I'm not feeling down.
I'll never let you see the truth...
It hurts to know it's all for you.

I pray everyday up to Him,
"Please know I'm happy for them,
But there is no other lesson to learn.
When, dear God, will it be my turn?"
Wanting, hoping, waiting, and praying.
To have a little one to call our own.
Getting tired of trying and failing.
Just want to make our house a home.
When is it going to be our turn for a baby?
There is this emptiness in completing our family,
This is really driving us crazy!
Maybe one day it will be our time for joy,
Until then we must stay strong and keep hoping
Please pray for us and sprinkle that baby dust upon us!



Thoughts on Becoming a Mother


There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better.
I will be better not because of genetics, or money or that I have read more books,
but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.
I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed.
I have endured and planned over and over again.
Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.
I will notice everything about my child.
I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.
I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me.
I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see.
Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love.
I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain.
I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body, I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.
I have prevailed.
I have succeeded.
I have won.
So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.
I listen.
And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immerse power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes.
I have learned to appreciate life.
Yes I will be a wonderful mother.