Let's try this again.

Perhaps it's time to allow myself to start this journey again. Here we are, nearly 2 years after starting TTC and we are right in the middle of the foster parenting process, when I get news that kind of rocks my world.

Let me just say, yes, I gave up. To spare my own heart, emotions, and sanity, I gave up on trying to have a child of my own. I was perfectly content and at peace with the fact it just wasn't in the cards for us and that our journey was taking me to children who's mothers couldn't take care of them. Okay, I wouldn't say perfectly content and at peace, I had my moments of sadness when I held someones new baby knowing I'd never be able to search the face of my own to see if they looked like me, but I accepted it.

I went to the OBGYN with Heather the other day and he was talking with her about the symptoms of PCOS. She had none of what he mentioned, I had every single thing. But... but... but I have endometrious! PCOS is the most commonly misdiagnosed women's issue. I go back to the doctor on Tuesday for an appointment of my own to see if we can figure out what this is and what we need to do about it.

I don't know if I'm ready to go back to that place in my life. The dark place where month after month every effort has failed and I am disappointed and defeated all over again. At least this time we'll have a game plan. We'll be armed with hope in our battle with TTC.

So, I suppose, here is day one, the first step on our second journey to our baby Johnson.